Ten things that I am not looking forward too about coming home…
1. Sport taking up 1/3 of the news.
If only so much press could be given over to culture – what a wonderful nation we would be! In the UK sport is seen on sports channel, not rammed down my throat in every evening news bulletin.
The Aussie tax thresholds are way higher than the UK and in the Middle East there is almost no tax – the first pay slip will hurt.
I spent 6 years in the UK and NEVER saw a cockroach. I could widen this and include snakes and spiders, but I go by the theory of you are ok outside, but come in the house and you are dead.
4. Yob Factor
Slightly different to CHAV factor. Waddo in his flannie and thongs drivin’ his ute and playing Barnsey. Ewwwwww! Shazza in her boob tube, white stilettos, marabou feathers and fascinator pissed on West Coast Cooler at the races. Noice!
5. Parochial Outlook
The belief that Australia is a big game player in the International community, I have news – we are not! The only time you hear about Australia in foreign news is when a backpacker goes missing or someone is eaten by a shark.
6. Liberal Party.
I want Tony Abbott gone. I pledge to join and become an active member of The Australian Greens as soon as I am settled – I’m still in mourning for Meg, Natasha and my beloved Democrats.
7. Bank Charges
Evil, evil, evil. I have not been charged for an ATM withdrawal (apart from when abroad) or an ‘Account Keeping Fee’ since leaving in 2004.
8. Commercial tele
The thought of watching Seven or Nine makes me want to puke, Ten at a push. Thanking the goddesses for ABC and SBS – you will be my sanity and long may Aunty reign (mitts off Mr Abbott).
9. Cost of petrol.
I have been paying QR0.85 per litre, that’s 23cents folks!
10. The Gay Marriage Issue
Why the ALP is against this breaks my heart. The year is 2011, some people are gay – get over it and stop the discrimination.
However these are eclipsed by the 1000’s of things that I love.
To name a few…
- Larrikin spirit
- The bush
- The sea
- Alternative culture
- Bob Brown
- Mardi Gras
- Black cockatoos heralding the rain
- Middle class egalitarianism
- Clover Moore
- Compulsory voting
- The Carbon Tax
- Magda Szubanski
- North Bondi
- The ANZAC Dawn Service
- Watching two-up on ANZAC Day
- Lamington Drives
- Tidy towns
- ‘Not happy Jan’
- Byron Bay lighthouse at sunset
- The CWA
- All those lovely merino sheep
- Bush doofs
- Crab circles in the sand
- Cold beer
- Meat pies
- Swimming under waterfalls
- Vanessa Wagner
- BYO restaurants
- The Opera House & Sydney Harbour on a sunny day
- Country Markets – Mullim and Byron & Bello
- Marsupials – possums in my roof
- George Negus
- Kerry O’Brien
- The Oxford
- Bright plastic money
- Citrus trees in the backyard
- Bad Dog (Drayton & Gaspar)
- Kangaroo Paw
- ‘Cool banana’
- Summer thunderstorms
- Pink and grey galahs
- Ruth Cracknell (RIP)
- Calling chooks, chooks
- SMH and Good Weekend
- Meat tray prizes at pub raffles
- Saturday brunches
- The one finger driving nod
- Musk life savers
- Tim Minchin
- Solitary beaches with white sand that squeaks
- Acknowledging original Aboriginal land owners
- Calling thongs, thongs – what’s a fucking ‘flip-flop’?
- Anti-discrimination laws
- The Taree Bypass
- Judith Lucy
- NSW National Parks
- The 7.30 Report
- Seeing The Southern Cross in the night sky
- The dawn chorus heralding in the day
- Non secular schooling
- Gravel roads
- Big stuff – prawn, bananas, pineapples, sheep…
- Sarah Blasko
- Sydney botanical gardens – ‘please walk on the grass’
- Summer Christmas – the irony of cooking a turkey in 38deg heat
- Jelly tips
- Tim Winton
- Sand dunes
- Buying fruit from the side of the road
- Camping with dingoes by the sea
- Fields of sugar cane
- Samboy BBQ chips
- The Freo Doctor
- Morton Bay figs
- Peter Carey
- Whale watching from the beach
- Drive through bottle shops – a slab in the boot of the car
- Twin-poles (red and orange ones)
- The DNA lookout at Kings Park
- Beer gardens – schooners, jugs and midi’s
- ‘No wuckers’
and of course the sound of kookaburras at sunset.